Shut up, Merlin
by Lady-Aurora-Pendragon
Summary: What Arthur is really thinking when Merlin confronts him on his feelings for Guinevere. A AU/angst-ish Arthur, set in ep 'Lancelot and Guinevere' ( s2ep4) (All of this is 100% my idea, just in case.)


(**A/N:** I have no idea why I wrote this, it's one of my favorite scenes between Merlin and Arthur because I always like to pretend Arthur's really talking about Merlin here instead of Gwen. It was written quickly after watching the ep. Also, I've been instructed by my friend to mention I don't own Merlin…clearly not. If I did the ending would have been very different! Comment and whatever else you do when you like something.)

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"What's that Wildderon eating? Oh it's alright, it's just Merlin!"

Arthur laughed.

He was so over dramatic, like one of those acts that the King brought to Camelot, obviously Arthur would not let him be eaten. Perhaps he had been a bit careless, these beasts scared him, they scared Arthur too, but he would never show it; there were many things he would never show.

"Hm…well, they do say love makes you do strange things."

Arthur looked up, hiding the first waves of panic, burring it away. He looked at Merlin, who was facing another direction, looking clever and smug, Arthur wanted to hit him.

"What are you talking about?" asked the Prince, quickly. Merlin turned looking even smugger now, Arthur feared the worst somewhere deep in his body.

"Why can't you just admit your feelings for Gwen?"

Arthur scoffed, looking away from the idiot. He still looked smug; Arthur could see it out of the corner of his eye. What a fool, an utter fool, the Prince thought. Perhaps Arthur was a better actor than he had thought. All those long glances, meaningful looks and the coy smiles he sent the servant girl's way, they meant nothing. Perhaps some part of him really did fancy her; god knows sorting out his feelings was hard these days. The kiss they shared was nice enough, but it lacked something. Arthur had always found her fit, not enough to approach until that day in her house. But it didn't change anything, nothing was new or exciting, or even forbidden. Nothing like those nights months before when Arthur was having trouble sleeping and Merlin would stay, babbling all through the night, just to keep his master company. The next morning Arthur would find him slumped over in a chair, neck exposed in a way that made Arthur want to do something very stupid. The idiot was never to know the reason for the Princes sleepless nights were him. It was him, with his stupid smile and big ears. His blue eyes that Arthur swore flashed gold sometimes, how could that even be possible? Whether it was Arthur's mind playing tricks or whatever it might be, it took Arthur's breathe away when it happened.

"It's so obvious…a blind man could see it," said Merlin, so sure of himself. Arthur had turned his back, putting his sword away. Yes, it was obvious, just as Arthur wanted it to be, at least to Merlin anyway, he spent every day with Arthur, and of course, he would notice those looks, glances and coy smiles. And not notice that every time Merlin touched him, Arthur, the crowned Prince of Camelot, would melt. Arthur shook his head. Sometimes he just wished he could tell the blasted buffoon, tell him how his blood boiled for him, how he longed for those meaningless touches. How his eyes, smile and voice made him feel things, the Prince himself, did not understand.

"….is it really that hard to admit you like her? Just say it!"

"I can't!" He turned around to see the smug grin wash from Merlin's face, Arthur wanted him to understand, just for a moment what he was putting Arthur through, even if he could never know it was truly him. "How can I admit that I think about her all the time? Or that I care about her more than anyone? How can I admit that I don't know what I'll do if any harm comes to her?"

He turned away, from Merlin's confused face, maybe he just couldn't understand, he didn't have secrets clouding over his head, just waiting to burst. He didn't have to worry what would happen if anyone found out.

"Why can't you?" he asked, Arthur turned back to him, Arthur wanted to come clean more than ever, to pull the idiot close. He would still smell of Gaia Berries and Wildren, but Arthur wouldn't care. But then he remembered, he couldn't.

"Because nothing could ever happen between us!" his voice rose, he needed Merlin to understand. It was too painful to consider, too taboo to happen. He looked away again; Merlin was too painful, too taboo. "To admit my feelings, knowing that…hurts too much."

"Who's to say nothing can happen?"

Arthur rolled his eyes, lots of people would say it, the odds against them were outstanding; Merlin was a servant and a man, at that. Arthur must marry for Camelot, he must have an heir. He doubted his father would approve, not of Merlin, not even of Guinevere.

"My father won't let me rescue a servant; do you honestly believe he would allow me to marry one?"

"You want to marry Gwen?" the servant's eyes widened.

Arthur stood confused, his mind had been racing back, back to when Merlin had drunken out of the poisoned chalice that was the moment, the moment Arthur first felt it. The longing, the need for Merlin to get better, to be near Merlin, always, so Arthur could protect him. He remembered how he had fought with his father, so he could go find Merlin's cure, just as Morgana had fought for someone to save Guinevere.

"No...no," the Prince fumbled his words, his mind still racing. "I-I don't know…I-"

Merlin put his hands up, signaling he understood, but he didn't understand, he never would. Arthur didn't have to go on searching for words, it was pointless, he shook his head.

"It's all talk," he admitted. "And that's all it can ever be"

"When your king, you can change that."

Arthur sighed, looking down, pretending that putting on his glove really interested him that much. He could feel Merlin inching closer. The thought of waiting till he was king and changing the laws had crossed his mind many times, but it was nothing more than a pipe dream, he could never change the laws to such a degree, even if he could, it would take years.

"I can't expect Guinevere to wait for me."

"If she feels the way you do, she'll wait for you," said Merlin, Arthur looked up, seeing the pure smile on his servant's determined lips. It made his heart race with hope. He wanted it, more than he had wanted anything, to lean forward and take those smiling lips in his own. But he wouldn't dare, so he changed the subject, before he regretted it.

"We don't even know if she's still alive."

"No, she is" he said, with more of that determinedness. "We will find her!"

Arthur nodded, feeling guilty, guilty for leading Merlin on like this, for lying to him. He was sure Merlin had never lied to him.

"Come on, we have a long truck ahead."

He heard Merlin follow behind him and he grinned, turning back quickly, glaring at his servant. He knew Merlin would never tell anyone what was said here, but a warning couldn't hurt. Threatening Merlin was also a fun plus in Arthur's sick game.

"Oh...and Merlin, if you dare tell anyone about this, I promise I will make your life a living hell" he said, his voice dropping deep, just to prove a point. Merlin looked unfazed by this, making the Prince grin, he always taking his threats.

"More than you already do?"

"Yes," answered Arthur, with a playful sort of smirk. Merlin considered this, as they began to walk again, off to save Guinevere.

"We could talk about your feelings while you walk..?"

"Shut up, Merlin."

(_**After Thoughts:**_ I wonder how many stories are out there like this, I hope lots, so I can read them. Thanks for reading this one!)

_(Extra note: I'm not entirely sure how to spell Wildderon, is it Wildderon or Wildren? I've seen it both ways, so sorry for the confusion.)_


End file.
